I am so glad we won, and I didn't have to send this
letter to the Red States.

Dear Red States:

If by any crazy chance, you manage to steal this election
too, we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,
that includes
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,
Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this
split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard and Yale.
You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice
and anti- war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal,
all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with
88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs),
92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes,
90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally,
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale,
62% believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun
laws,
44% say that evolution is only a theory,
53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have
that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,
Blue States